Kids???

Why do people go on having kids? Kids are the biggest demonstration of their egos. That is the “grandest” way to flaunt their egos. It is the favorite past time of human race. Kids are sure-fire means to kill time, which people have in plenty because of their lack of creativity. Since they feel too bored by being themselves, they “procreate” problems, which then go on to consume all their time.

Remember the Akbar-Birbal story, where the king draws a line and asks people to make shorter without rubbing it and Birbal draws a longer line next to it. In a similar vein, kids are the longer lines that make the problems of being with your spouse (assuming you are fooled into marriage) “appear” smaller. And it works fabulously! More often than not, it becomes a BIG inescapable trap that backfires on you both. And you spend the rest of your lives looking for better ways to deal with the trap!

This post sets out to show how surprisingly shorter the line is - without kids relative to the one with kids.

If you are one of those with enough intelligence not to be teachers/professors, then you are dead. If you are intelligent enough not to be a teacher, then obviously you would not waste your brains remembering inane stuff like science, biotech and history. You would rather use it to store important stuff like the Shakira’s ‘Hips don’t lie’ lyrics or Sharon Stone’s haunting dialogues from BI or Tyra Banks’ amazing statistics. So imagine how hard it would be to talk your kids to sleep, which teachers/profs can do so artfully to even a bunch of pranksters. Btw, was it Shrek who kissed The Sleeping Beauty out of her slumber?

If you can handle him/her even then – in the cradle, how will you be able to when he/she grows up to be more intelligent than you, which is inevitable by evolution?

When they drill you with their innumerous stupid questions, your super-intelligence will be of no avail. You can’t give a straight, logical answer (assuming you know it), for children are too stupid to understand your genius. This is what Thiruvalluvar, the famous Tamil sage poet said:

Thammintham makkal arivudaimai maanilathu
Mannuyirk kellaam inithu

This means Children who are more intelligent than parents are sources of happiness for the whole world. Except the parents. The whole world goes on laughing at you, while your own kid makes you look like a moron. So they drag you down to their level of stupidity. Over time, you become dumber and dumber to a point, where you forget you were intelligent before this brat was born.

With you getting dumber, they quickly take control your life – particularly the omnipotent TV remote, which you had been wielding till then to show who is in power. Nimmathiyaa nallathaa vaazhkaiku thevaiyaana naalu Namitha dance paaka mudiyaathu, naammalum ukkaanthu Power Rangers –Time Force, Pokemon nu paathu tholaikkanum. By taking over the TV, the only intelligent trusty companion you had in your house against the bully that your wife is, they make you lose your self-respect.

Before you realize, your wallet falls victim to “Pester Power”, apart from the “Pondaatti Power” that till then had had unquestioned authority over your hard-earned money. You become the dumb ATM of your house that gets punched day in and day out for money.

Moreover, you would have absolutely no control over your kids, who are now less idiotic than you. You can’t even have the happiness of giving them any advice for 1. they don’t need as your intelligence is now reduced to below their levels and also, 2. they would not care a damn.

So why would you want to create something that robs you of your time, happiness, self-respect and more than anything, money – the supreme power. So maapla, naan solratha nallaa kelu. Wear rubber. Save your self.

Vaazhkaiya yosingada, thala ezhutha nallaa vaasingadaa

Yosichu paarungadaa, ellaarum onna koodungada

Chennai 600028

P.S.

Whether the world is getting any more a safe place for children is a serious question. Think of what all they would be facing – sexual abuse, drugs and adverse climate changes (check out this interesting post). If you call these inane ramblings of an inexorable pessimist, think again. These issues are very much real and their incidence and prevalence are also on the rise. Generally, Indians are forced into having children right after marriage, which restricts them from exploring any further passions, including sex. Ithula “Kuzhantha kuttingala thavira vera enna irukku vaazhkaila?” nu kelvi vera. What worth is life without kids? It is high time many of us started seeking answer for that.

P.P.S.

1. Understand kids are statements of your BIG Egos. The apparent happiness you get from kids is from the satisfaction of your egos! That happiness is so individual, just like orgasms. You might have it or might not. Even if you have it, it would a short-lived one. And there are better, healthier ways to groom your egos.

Search out the ego in these: "En kooda padicha Annalaksmi-oda paiyyan evlo thuru thuru nu irukkan theriyumaa. Enakkum athu maathiri oru kutti paappa venum", "Enakkae enakkunnu oru jeevan", "My girl always gets first rank", "En ponnu periya singer, Vijay Super Singer la second round varaikkum vanthurukka!", "En paiyyan naan kilicha kotta thaanda maattan." And here is the winner: "Naalaikku enakku kolli poda oru paiyyan venaamaa." Adinga! Dei, kolli podrathukku Carbon Credits vaanguniyaa da?

2. Daddy! I Shrunk Your World: Your world gets shrunk to a pint sized, irrepressible brat. (assuming you have enough intelligence left to stop with one!)

3. Kids form costly and ineffective substitues for passions.

4. Kids are born out of fear.

5. Would you never learn from your parents' experiences? Don't you remember how your parents suffered because of you? Do you want something much more intense than that for you?

6. Kids give meaning to your life? BS. The meaning of life is what you give to it. So, give a better one!