Monday, September 24, 2007

Will the real dumb crappy please stand up?

We live in an age of experts, most often self-proclaimed and self-hypnotized, who can discourse on anything and everything. You can find them all around you. They are on the TV, 24 by 7, in the papers and unfortunately, in your offices too, sharing the cubicle with you. To the greenhorns among you: beware of such creatures and stay as far as possible to save your senses, whatever little you have. For these guys are, as Deepak, my ex-roommate at BIM, would fondly put it, “All fart and no shit”.

That said, we have no other option but to live with Gas, physical as well as figurative. If you have any doubts, borrow a clip from your mom and try having it on your nose for 10 minutes. To know the inevitability of ‘figurative’ gas, a quick trip to your local library would be more than sufficient. Life without God is possible, but without Gas? Hahaha. If you are discerning enough, you would know that God is a special case of ‘figurative’ Gas. Okay. Now that you have perfectly experienced the criticality of Gas for our lives, let us get to the 101s of how to live with Gas.

In the longstanding tradition of this blog to impart unparalleled wisdom to its readers, this post too is about to do exactly the same. Hop on! Now, towards the light of enlightenment!

The key to survival in such a Gaseous world is to the ability to discern between the nature of gases: to know the essential gases from ideal ones, the noble from the toxic. Before we get any further into the muzzier world of figurative gas/intellectual crap (just ‘crap’ from here on), getting a few basic definitions right is in order. In essence, crap is fun, if both the one who talks crap (crapper from now on) and his audience know it is crap and can treat it like it is.

Based on the ability to identify crap and the intent/attitude of the crapper, we can identify four types:

Clueless crappers: These are among the hopeless lot. They are so dumb that they themselves don’t realize all they say is crap. Despite their innumerability, they are less harmful compared to the next lot.

Cocky crappers: These are the most dangerous ones, because they believe in their own crap. To talk crap, knowing that it is crap is one thing. But to believe in one’s own crap is quite another. They know that what they talk is crap, but they steadfastly believe in it and more than that, want others to do the same. And to argue with these guys is hell.

More often than not, you can identify such Cocky crappers when it comes to criticizing art. Just a sample: to make you wiser. Listen to them talk about cinema: These apparent heirs of Aristotle want tighter screenplays and of all, logic, in all films they see. In their relentless pursuit of “intellectual high ground”, they tend to crystallize their brains so much so that they leave you wondering whether all they have inside their skulls is more of osseous stuff. In short, boneheads. If you are perceptive, you can see that these wannabe intellectuals try to earn brownie points by putting down others. If you have come across such Cocky crappers and have any interesting ways to deal with such souls, please share with the readers of this blog.

Crafty crappers: Such people cleverly employ the art of crap to manipulate the dumb millions that dot Planet Earth, particularly the Clueless crappers. The places where you can most often find such wily creatures are behind microphones – more often on grandly decorated podiums. Yeh, you got it right! Politicians, Professors and Philosophers. So now you know whom you should not listen to. And should you be made to sit in their audience, better shut down your systems and sleep off.

Cool crappers: What sets this adorable bunch of people, which the author is also part of, apart from the rest is that they talk crap just for the fun of it. Because of the rarity of such souls, most often, they are mistaken for other wily crapper categories.


To avoid crap is impossible, for it is all pervasive. It is all about being open to challenges to one’s ideas. The gravest danger lies in taking one’s own opinions to be facts. It is essential to qualify whatever you hear/say. Who said it is as important, if not more than, what is being said. Whenever things appear complex, break it down: your English grammar exercises at school such as the “fact/opinion” or the 5Ws (what, who, why, where, whom) would be of great help.

Crap is complex, but truth is simple. Do talk crap, but don't forget to wrap it properly. After all, wrapped properly, you can sell any crap: election manifestos, "critically acclaimed" films (Mani Ratnam to Mel Gibson), all philosophy/self-help stuff (Paul Coelho to Robin Sharma), Harry Potter series, and the list continues.

And when in doubt, think simple.

Elementary, My Dear Watson!


Gino said...

Your classificatin of crappers is neat.. But i guess most of us, at some point of time, have fallen in each of these categories , depending on what we know or rather... what we want others to think we know....;)

Sowmya said...

Is this properly wrapped presentation ? :P

sk said...


Quite true. Whichever group one is in now, it is time to join me - i mean my club of Cool crappers ;P


Just like my other posts, this too is wrapped properly i guess. Again, the box office has to decide about the attractiveness of the wrapper. ;) But seeing the initial response, it seems it wud be a bigger hit, evn better than thalai's sivaji!

Sathiyan said...

Now that you have spoken about crappers, you can start writing about braggers da :) It should be a cakewalk for you, and in that topic, whatever classification u do, u will be in all of them i guess....en inda pozhappu da?? But one thing, am happy ur 2 yrs at BIM has not been wasted machi...

pria said...


Wat can I say.. A real human pot.... full of brain:)

Just kidding ok.

sk said...


Why should i have a separate post on that? In fact, the whole blog is meant for that. ;)



Not really. I m prolly among the few who have 'something' inside and can use what i got. ;)

priya said...


Thaz what we say gogetter or a fighter isn't it. Good for ya.

Why do u say some?? Thinkers, writers and soul searchers all do the same in their own way. All humans have brain, but who really knocks it comesup well.

sk said...

hmmm what to say!!
finally some fodder for my Ego thanks a lot! ;)
keep it coming ;P

Anonymous said...

You have taken far too much pain to explain this. To me its simple. Anyone who isn't a Mathematician is a bunch of crap. And that includes the mother of all crappers - Ayn Rand.

sk said...


well i dint take any pains to explain this. It's just out of my observation over the years.

//Anyone who isn't a Mathematician is a bunch of crap.//
You got th gift of crapping u knw!! I don't know what makes you think maths cannot be crap and mathematicians cannot be crappers. To me, maths is a way to solidify the expression of crap. IMHO, maths is just the same but a bit solid.

//And that includes the mother of all crappers - Ayn Rand.//
Hahaha, i don't agree on Ayn being the mother of all crappers. ;)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

//And when in doubt, think simple.//

Its better all the time..

Bytheway consider changing the color of your blog ..

Anonymous said...

Now you are being defensive. Give me one reason why Rand is not the biggest crapper according to your definition.

She definitely had a way with words, but her philosophy and the way she defended it was funny. She ended up making an ass of herself. Unless ofcourse you want to believe that the entire scientific community ostracizing her is akin to Hugh Akston's fate in Atlas Shrugged.

Almost all objectivists are nutcases.

kriz said...

Cool crappers...yes we are missing a lot these kind of crappers in our system of bringing up children... either most of us fall in Clueless crappers or Cocky crappers...

bro... all time you cannot make sense if you want to enjoy the moment you need a thing am liking abt korean people...while at work they make complete sense..when it comes to fun they turn into cool crappers...(let it be gals over here really enjoying their girlish nature...)

we think a lot to miss the fun in the crap i crapper !

Never think about crap ! Enjoy the crap !

Anonymous said...


why don't you do a post on this rand bitch? Lets have fun arguing.

And obviously I hate Rand very much. I wish someone killed her when she cried for the response that Atlas shrugged initially got. Would have saved the world from all the worthless Objectivist crap that her foundation spits out.

sk said...


Well we can argue about Rand. No issues. But i have nothing much to say about her except a couple of reasons why i admire her:

1. her command over English: absolutely fabulous!
2. her clarity: She was clear about what she got to say. Well, the rightness or otherwise of her concepts depends on what you are.

That said, i have disagreements with her on many counts, particularly the way she sees love. For me, people are more important than concepts.

Anonymous said...

I have nothing to counter argue now. I expected you to be a fanatic of Rand and thought I could have some fun. Not that I am extremely articulate, but just thought I would try.

I have been impatient enough to get to the story when I read her so no deep knowledge about her notions on love, except that I vaguely remember that love is some kind of prize for ability or some such shit. What bothers me most is her disregard for scientific process, (I don't mean science, itself) and her insistence on rhetoric. And her strange way of correlating this to scientific achievement too. She says state funded research is evil. And real innovations, it seems, are made by individuals. I hope Ayn Rand lived now and saw the mess patent laws have created for technology and the success of open source.

Basically I think Ayn Rand lived around chamchas and it helped her strengthen her beliefs seeing pathetic objectivist idiots around her. I wonder how you can separate the person and the concept. If you take objectivism from Ayn Rand, she is nothing. Regarding her language, its a clear influence from Russian to write concise sentences. There are many russian authors whose style is similar to hers. And her clarity, that can be seen even in namboodris. They really believe in what they do.