Friday, November 28, 2008

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

A rather long prelude to even longer post

This post is probably first of its kind in this blog. Now that I have got your attention or rather lost it like the dud tam channels when they say “ulaga thollai kaatchi varalaatril muthal muraiyaaga…”, let me go on with the background of this post, which I believe is very essential to relish this post. This post was written listening to “Ninai Charanadaindhen” by Bombay Jayashri and Illayaraja for the film Bharathi. You would find sentences from Bharathi’s song interlaced with the post, to add “weight”. ;) This is broadly about the concept of surrender. Of course, there are bits, here and there, of things that man can’t live without: sex, philosophy and traces of doubts about himself, the world and life at large. 

Mind you, you might find a few too mushy statements that might cause envy in even Karan Johar. A lot said here are debatable; but before you argue, make sure you read and understand. The description of certain qualities and states of mind like love in this post might seem to suggest that the author had indeed been under heavy intoxication of love for too long. The author would just like to point out that it is not exactly true. That said, he would love to get intoxicated if it is possible, and for forever. ;) And this post might seem to be an anti-thesis of my old post (here). But, it certainly is not. Try surrender ;) to the author of this post! Now, let's begin.

பொன்னை உயர்வை புகழை விரும்பிடும் 

என்னை கவலைகள் தின்ன தகாதென்று 

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன் கண்ணம்மா நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

Being in love is being blinded (note it is not blind, for the other sensors of a blind are extra sensitive), to reality, how much ever badly constructed by the mind. Being blinded makes you lose your capacity to doubt and makes you do things that you wouldn’t ‘normally’ do. And that makes you beautiful/dumb, depends on where you see it from. It is beautiful/dumb, because it is out of the ordinary. So freshly different from the mundane that you feel like you ARE LIVING.

Then, there is sex. I make no moral judgments about it, premarital or even extra, if all the other partners agree. The question is whether it is out of an urge to relieve, just like the one you feel when your bladder is full, or an urge to share the probably the most intimate of your moments with someone out of love. Again, nothing moral or otherwise about it. Just that, if it is an urge to relieve, you are blinded and would not care about where/with whom you get it done. The focus is on the act and not the person. Or rather the focus is on the ‘best’ person you can ‘buy’. This, IMHO, is likely to slowly weaken your capacity to value another human. And, most likely, leave a vacuum inside over time. Apparently, Gandhi was just doing exactly that, when his father was on deathbed. I say this not to point out the need for discipline or any such stuff that Gandhi had spoken about, but just that how sex can so easily blind you to things around you. No wonder, in Mira Nair’s Kamasutra,  towards the end, Maya chose to make love to Jai, her lover, and ask him indulge himself in the memories of their lovemaking to help himself not feel the torture.

That said, sex can make you ugly. Not in the physical sense. When sex blinds you so much that you don’t care for the other, not even the one whom you are doing it with, you are obviously ugly. Am I being sissy/prudish here? I think I am not. I would say the litmus test for the beauty of an act of sex would be the quantum of solace that both feel after sex. Well, this measure is a lot dicy one than the Bang Brothers’ kind of hard measures such as how long and how many etc. But, there is a high likelihood that you might stay with a person IF and till you feel peace after sex with him/her. It is about the awareness in sex: about not being blinded by the urge. This is probably what Vigyan Bairav Tantra and Kama Sutra try to do. While Tantra does it by focusing on breathing, like yoga, KS makes you explore many possibilities, at the end of which it fondly hopes you would realize the peace. And this, I believe, would probably increase your capacity for happiness, which just hopping across organs cannot give you. 

Ask me why? Simple. Man is weak for emotions. Or rather, the thoughts that bring emotions, for that exactly is what makes him unique. Yeah, each one has one’s own bin of garbage, which is full of such ‘personal emotional thoughts’. And it is exactly this garbage that makes your life unique and beautiful, if you  chose to call it that. Or else, if man is rational, life will be more of theorems than one of tears, whose beauty we seldom understand. ;) More on that sometime later. Probably after I get to shed them a lot, hopefully out of love and joy. ;)

தன் செயல் எண்ணி தவிப்பது தீங்கென்று
நின் செயல் செய்து நிறைவு பெரும் வண்ணம் 
நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன் கண்ணம்மா நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன் 

Now, on a slightly different note, a bit of symbols. When does a guy feel at peace with his lover? Holding her after great sex? When making her sit and cocoons her with himself, protecting her like his little daughter? Or when he rests his head on her lap, holding as much of her as possible with his hands? So much in love with her so that he wants to be part of her? To be as deep inside her as possible? To be born out of her? To be her son?

Well, if that appears hard to digest, just know that the last one, IMHO, is probably the most loving/respectful statement that she might hear from him. It is all about surrender, a complete one. Bharathi did that to Krishna: he considered Krishna to be his lover, his consort and at times, his son. (I don’t know about the songs where he considers him to be his parent.) 

மிடிமையும் அச்சமும் மேவி என் நெஞ்சில் குடிமை புகுந்தன கொன்றவை போக்கென்று

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன் கண்ணம்மா நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

Now, a lot of subtleness here, so much so that you might miss the point. So (t)read carefully. How often have you experienced the feeling of total surrender? Not in the sense of an act out of fear or force, but out of love. Mind you, surrender is not an act for the weak. It is the act of beheading oneself. If a weakling does it, it is suicide not surrender. The surrender I mean is out of love. Again, surrender is not about being a slave. Rather, it is the opposite. It is about liberation. The one who you surrender should be so that he/she liberates you. Surrender is so dangerous that you better carefully chose a better person to surrender to. It will help to contrast with the ‘religious surrender’: more often, it is out of fear rather than love. The ‘object of love’ there is god, who is perfect. I know absolute is an illusion. ;) Rather than fearing/doubting the absolute, I would better love the imperfect. Love dissolves your doubt and makes surrender very much natural. Philosopher’s stone is nothing but love. ;)

துன்பம் இனியில்லை சோர்வில்லை, தோற்பில்லை 

நல்லது தீயது நாமறியோம் அன்பு நெறியில் அறங்கள் வளர்த்திட 

நல்லது நாட்டுக தீமையை ஒட்டுக 

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன் கண்ணம்மா நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

2 comments:

Sowmya said...

Absoulte and well nailed post. I think, after a long time, you write this kind of stuff.

Simply superb :)

sk said...

Welcome back Sowmya!!!
Just can't express how happy I am to have your comments here. :) I know you would for sure comment for this one, still a longer one would have been better. ;) It feels like getting a pat on the back from my favorite teacher! ;P

//I think, after a long time, you write this kind of stuff.//
Adikkadi ippdi thelivaa eluthuna neraya per padikka maattengaraanga! :( EKSI!!