Monday, November 24, 2008

Varutham Aayiram

Well, the title says it all. Still, I know you have too much time at your disposal and would be happy to spend it on some rehashed crap rather than something worthwhile (which is almost non-existent). And don't worry, i won't list all the thousand worries here. And I guarantee you that this will be a lot less terrible experience than the film itself. Read on.

Surya, I hope, developed some brains while he is sculpting his bod. Well he is hot, though. All you girls out there have more than one reason to smile. Six, to be precise. He manages to look terrific throughout the film and at times, manages to act well too. Especially, that scene in Hotel Samco in the song “Ava enna thedi vantha anjala…” But, and that is a big BUT, he miraculously manages to do a scene à la Vijay in Police uniform in the great Pokkiri. Yeh, that’s when Surya is in that uniform of a Major with that Ray-Ban. Man!!! What a sight!!! And there is one more hilarious scene towards the end when Surya bares his bod. Well, NO!!! Not for any fight and all, you dumbos! How can you expect a so-piss-ticated creator like Mr. Gautam Vasudev Menon (GVM) to have a mindless scene like what they have in local Simbu/Dhanush films? It is just that Surya bares his packs, oh yeh six of them, when is packing for a mission. And God! You must see his moustache then… ROTFL. Me think, developing six packs sucks your brains out just like what happened with poor old Vishal in Satyam!

While VA is definitely much easier on your stomach than Jillunu Oru Kaadhal, it still is a dud. That said, VA had the makings of what-could-have-been-a-wonderful experience, but Mr. GVM managed to botch it all up in his inimitable style.

“Dear Sir, please tell me why you had to have that sequence in Delhi so long and at the end of it, Surya supposedly realizes what his calling is. Well not enlightening though! In fact, I lost whatever little light I had till then. I can understand if you were kind of clueless in Vettaiyadu Vilaiyaadu, probably because of that dumb Daniel Balaji who just cant get what a psycho is (Me think, all nutrients from his brains probably had been drained into his locks) and that other dimwit for whom Your Highness yourself had to lend your so soulful voice. But, this, VA is supposedly a take from your own life, if the tabloids are to be believed.

All we know is Surya loves his Dad and we know not why, but just that he mourns all through the film “Daddy, you did this…. Daddy you did that for me… Daddy I love you... Daddy!!!”. Well, Asin’s “Aiyoo… En perumala kudungo” probably was much bearable I guess (well no gender bias here!). And what is that with narrative, Dear Sir. Yeh, when we heard it Kaakka Kaakka, we did like it. But, don’t have to have that in all your films.

I would rather have relished some strong scenes between the father and the son, giving us a little glimpse over why the hell did Surya happen to love his father so much. Was it just because the “cool” dad proposed his love no holds barred and drove that lorry or that he gave his son a free ticket to pick up fight and bring girls home? Well, probably, I am just being too harsh here… Not many of us really remember what our parents really did for us. Yeh, I am guilty as charged. But I would still say, for all that 'ode to father' as you call this film of yours, the daddy was very much absent. And mere filling up screen is not what I meant.

And that big big treason to male audience. You haven’t been kind to Man here. You have had about one and a half bombs as your heroines. And what a criminal waste you have made out of them! God wouldn’t forgive you for this! (Remember the big G is Mr./He!) Well, I don’t mean a raw exhibitionism here as I very well know your taste is so so above the carnal sensitivity of us, mere mortals. FYI, even the God-like Mani has a sensual song in almost all his films, save Kannathil Muthamittal. While all the girls were dehydrating over Surya, we guys had to visit the restroom quite often to relieve ourselves, after all that Pepsi that Maayajal gave us after fleecing some 220 bucks for a @#$@$%@ experience. Sameera wasn’t great, IMHO, in most of the scenes. Of course, there was one frame in Nenjukkul peithidum song, where she walks in like a breeze, befitting her name, in a dark green sari. Absolute stunner. But the next frame, someone drains all the color and light out of the screen and all looks pale. Btw, Divya SPANdana said you had asked her to expand herself to fit in her role. You could very well have had Shakila chechi for that role. At least then, God's own country would have had a reason to be proud of its son and we, tams, too would have joined our mallu brothers in hailing you! Why all this hate towards us, poor guys? Appdi ungalukku enna paavam pannom naanga? And just the last one question, why the hell did Simran had to spout that Andaal Paasuram so 'beautifully' with probably a punju accent at the climax? Btw, by having this title, did u mean that it takes the strength of thousand elephants to bear all this?

All that said, a BIG THANKS to you dear sir, for COVERING YOUR FACE when you appear that fight towards the end and say "Jai Hind" and also for NOT HAVING LENT YOUR VOICE TO ANY OF THE CHARACTERS!

Tailpiece:

Sorry folks for such a long post. Of course, i know you would realize when one has so much of grief, thousand worries to be precise, one can't help but cry one's heart out. Kind of Catharsis u know... and thanks for listening! And if any of you have the same pheelings, i am ready to hear you out.

5 comments:

Murali said...

enna koduma saravanan ithu...
intha padatha ellam review panni erukkeenga.......

Priya said...

Haha... What a review man!! Why did u waste your time in writing this la? Hehe... And by any chance, are you jealous of Surya's six beautiful packs? ;P

King Viswa said...

SK,

Thanks a Lot. You could have done this really big review couple of days earlier so that i could have warned my friends on this beautifully atrocious film.

The post wasn't lengthy at all.

King Viswa.

Arun Sankar said...

Antha padathukku 3 hrs waste pannathathu pathathu nu ithu veraya da...

sk said...

@ murali, arun
Manasu valikkuthu... ;)

@ Priya
Me?? Jealous? No la, not at all. If at all, I am jealous of those gals who got to dehydrate over surya while we had nothing to do that over. Six packs for the lucky gals, not even single one/evn fraction for poor guys! :(

@ King Viswa
Atheppadii... naanga mattum kashtappatta pothummaaa? thanks re the comment on length ;P