Wednesday, December 26, 2007

C'mon, let's fight!

Try answering this pretty straightforward question before you read on.

“When do you think you really know a person? When you both are having a great time together? When you have a fight with him/her? When he/she is by your side when you are down?”

So, now that you have gotten your answer, let me go on with mine. Yesterday, I happened to watch Matrix Reloaded on Zee Studio. There is this scene where Neo goes to meet the Oracle and on his way, meets Seraph, the personal bodyguard of the Oracle. And Seraph asks for forgiveness and starts attacking Neo, even before Neo realizes it. After a few moments of breathtaking stunts, he says

"You do not truly know someone until you fight them."

How true! Hit the nail bang on its head! By now, the intelligent souls among you, and which I think is almost all of you as evident from you being the readers of this blog, would immediately recognize the hard hitting truth of this statement. Nevertheless, I don’t intend to have this post ended here.

Now, I would rather say we do not know even ourselves until we fight someone. You can get to know a lot about someone, including yourself, by just watching them for a few minutes when they are in a fight. For the simple reason that a fight is when one is really exposed and how one behaves at that time says a lot about him. That is exactly when he loses his head and how fast he can get that thing back on his shoulders depends a lot on what he really is. It reveals his strength of character as well as the concern he does/doesn’t have for the other.

Anger is the emotion that is the hardest to express I guess. Or rather the most unintelligently expressed. No surprise there, anyway, for we lose our heads then. Anger unleashes a energy that we wouldn’t normally have. And it has to be spent. The problem here is the confusion that arises when we are told: “Be yourself. Don’t control your emotions, particularly anger. Repressing anger is dangerous.”

But the catch lies in how you choose to express your anger. Do you take it on the person who caused it? If you choose to do that, will you be able to choose what you say and how you say that, so that you don’t end up setting off a chain reaction/ vicious loop that harms you both? Would you feel vindicated only if you see him sulk (even better, crying) or when you see him coming back to you (preferably with a smile)?

That is not all. What happens after a fight also matters a lot. If at all you feel vulnerable after a fight and feel you might lose the other person, then right away know that that is your best chance to judge how far and how long the relationship is going to last. It is your chance to show that you understand and provide the space for the other.

However, as I said in my earlier post, there is also a possibility that providing space might be mistakenly construed as aloofness/ indifference. You got to be right there, yet invisible. Be present, but not intrusive. It is a very fine balance.

All said, just like alcohol, many other things, including fights, in moderation, are good. However, just a word of caution.

வம்பு சண்டைக்கு போகாதீங்க,
வந்த சண்டைய விடாதீங்க!

Happy fighting! ;)


Priya said...

Nice post Sk! Something that I haven't thought of at all. But I want to ask you about what you have said here:

//You got to be right there, yet invisible. Be present, but not intrusive. It is a very fine balance.//

How to achieve this? I mean, how to let the person know that you are still there for them, but be invisible at the same time, not being intrusive?

Juvvi said...

No need to fight. Just play a sport. Individual racquet sports are best, I think.

Sathiyan said...

Analyst SK, that was a well written post sir.

Sowmya said...

Amazing post ! :) Thoroughly enjoyed it :)

Keep it up !

priya said...


Attitude plays a lot knowing someone by reading them. Anger is temporary, but attitude stays forever and thaz when we change or show our behavior. So anger is part of attitude.

Wishing you a wonderful New Year ahead.

r-ambam said...

nice thought..! gud u shared true.